As regular readers will know, Dear Scotland has published some terrible puns in the past. We’ve had articles about Mogwai punsmith Stuart Braithwaite, Scottish football autobiography puns and the story about the return of Dunfermline’s greatest 70s rockers “Jesus! It’s Nazareth“. But this is a Joachim Löw.

Because our friends at “Too Much Apple Pie” have finally figured out what to do on World Cup rest days: make up World Cup music puns. We are very sorry.

Games without front ears

During the quieter moments of World Cup games, Spike and me have been coming up with punny song titles based on this year’s tournament. Just for fun, like. Anyway, with another rest day on our hands (thoroughly stupid invention, by the way, World Cup rest days) we’ve now whittled the originally rather cumbersome list of a couple of hundred songs down to a more manageable forty-five, which you can see listed below. If you don’t like daft puns, now might be a good time to divert your eyes!

45 Korea Opportunities – The Clash
44 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Cruz – Beverley Sisters
43 Lucio In The Sky With Diamonds – The Beatles
42 Ayew Get Off Of My Cacau – Rolling Stones
41 Sorensen Seems To Be The Hardest Word – Elton John Pantsil
40 Long Skrtel Short Jacket – Cake
39 The Valdez Flat – Echobelly
38 Chile Love Songs – Paul McCartney
37 Juarez The Love – Roberta Flack
36 Schweinsteiger Feet – Mud
35 Chu Young – Phoenix
34 Kolarov My Love – Jefferson
33 Buffon The Roof – Bobby Robson & Jerome Boateng
32 Move Klose – Phyliss Nelson
31 When Will Garcia Again – Three Degrees
30 Iniesta I Can Boogie – Baccara
29 Lippi On Your Collar – Connie Francis
28 Capello Sub Marin – The Beatles
27 The Burdisso – The Tweets
26 Papadopoulis Don’t Preach – Maradonna
25 Driving In My Kaka – Madness
24 Sagna Name – Terence Trent D’Arby
23 Gomez Without Frontiers – Peter Gabriel
22 Honda Inside – Lynne Hamilton
21 Dani Alves On My Mind – Alves Presley
20 Hey Cho – Jimi Hendrix
19 Schwarzer Nother Year – Johnny Logan
18 Everybody Özil – R.E.M.
17 Duda Looks Like A Lady – Aerosmith
16 Lee Chung Yong Hearts Run Free – Candi Staton
15 Eto’o Beach – Martha & The Muffins
14 The Sun Always Shines On Tevez – A-Ha
13 Toure Toure It’s A Holi-Holiday – Boney M
12 Müller Kintyre – Wings
11 Ponce In A Lifetime – Talking Heads
10 Mary Had A Little Lahm – Snap!
9 Itsy Bitsy Chiellini Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Bombalurina
8 Welcome To The Jung Woo – Guns ‘n’ Roses
7 Jules Rimet Want To Hurt Me – Culture Club vs Country
6 De Jong Ones – Cliff Richard
5 Forlan & Laughing – Orange Juice
4 Smeltz Like Team Spirit – Nirvana
3 How Elano? – Whitney Houston
2 A Whiter Seedorf Pale – Procul Harum
1 The Size Of A Cacau – Wonderstuff

Any more for any more?

Originally posted at and republished with express permission.

Thankfully, Billy will be back next week.