We’re in the middle of trophy season, so welcome to the inaugaural, and possibly only, GIRUY awards.  There are three categories of award: GIRUY, for an irritant or idiot; GIRFUY, for a person harming our game; and GIRFUY, YCY, for someone putting our game in mortal danger (the C doesn’t stand for “Clown”).

GIRUY Roberto Mancini

Vladimir Weiss on extending his stay at Rangers:

“I want to stay but it might not be possible.  Mancini has told me I need another year out on loan but he also said he wants me to go to a better league than the SPL.  They would want me to go to Spain, Italy, Germany or even another club in England. But they definitely want me to go to a decent league.”

And to think I wanted you to win the FA Cup.


Goal TV broadcast on two channels across Asia and have the broadcast rights to the SPL in the region.

Last Sunday night they initially listed both the Rangers and Celtic games to be on tape delay – with live screenings of some English playoff game on one channel and some equally unimportant nonsense on the other.

A few quick complaints later and the Rangers game was listed for live screening.  (We are the champions, after all.)

But when the feed came through on Sunday, what did we see?  Celtic running out to face a second-string Motherwell team at Parkhead.  Several sweary phone calls to the Goal answering machine followed, the feed was corrected, but the first three Rangers strikes were missed.

Yet you call yourselves GOAL television, eh?  On Sunday you blazed it high and wide.

GIRUY Stephen Fletcher

“Levein is now unshakeable in his view that Fletcher does not want to play for Scotland. Fletcher hasn’t contacted Levein and Levein hasn’t contacted Fletcher.” – Tom English, Scotsman, 18 May 2011

English says it’s Levein’s job to contact Fletcher, but Fletcher is a big boy too and, well, he started it.  So, Stephen: pick up the phone and talk to your international boss.

GIRUY Gary O’Connor, Ian Black, and Robert Ogleby

“Scotland footballer Garry O’Connor was detained and two Hearts players arrested on suspicion of possessing cocaine in two separate incidents.” – BBC News, 17 May 2011

You’re in a position that most football fans would give their right arms for – especially you, O’Connor – and you’re dumb enough to (a) risk it by taking drugs and (b) get caught.

You waited until the close season, I suppose, but why not wait until your careers are over?

Ah – that’s right, Gary – yours already is.

GIRFUY Neil Lennon (awarded by Walter Smith)

Walter’s farewell dig:

“I hope Celtic realise that, if their team is good enough, they will win. If they’re not good enough, they’ll not win.  They can’t look at anybody else, whether it’s referees or any other influence.”

Celtic’s Mark Wilson fired back the next day:

“It’s disappointing now looking back at the end of the season that the Rangers manager, who has been hugely successful at Ibrox, ending on the final day winning the championship, still feels he has to point the finger at something instead of just enjoying the success he’s had.”

He’s not pointing his finger, Mark – he’s extending it.  And in case you’re not clear, it’s his middle finger.

GIRFUY, YCY John Wilson, Neil McKenzie, and Trevor Muirhead

Wilson is the muppet who tried to attack Neil Lennon and got a few boots in the ribs for his troubles.

McKenzie and Muirhead, middle-aged men from Kilwinning, have been arrested in connection with the bombs sent to Neil Lennon, Paul McBride, and a Republican political organisation.

I hope they have the right people, I hope they get sent down, and I hope this nonsense is done with in Scottish football.

Ex-Rangers director Donald Findlay has received a dodgy parcel too.  You, ya muppet that thinks this is an appropriate response to the actions of the Kilwinning clowns – I hope they find you too.

GIRFUY, YCY Sepp Blatter, Mohammed bin-Hammam, Issa Hayatou, Jack Warner, and the whole bloody lot of you FIFA dodgy dealers

“Lord Triesman, the former Football Association and England 2018 chairman, has accused several FIFA executive committee members of “improper and unethical” behaviour.” – Guardian, 10 May 2011

Lord Triesman states the bleedin’ obvious.  Choosing between Blatter or bin-Hamman is like choosing between Fagin or the Artful Dodger.  FIFA is entrusted with running a multi-billion dollar sport but their leaders are more interested in selling their influence and votes.  To anyone who says otherwise, I simple say: Qatar 2022.

I read that the English FA might abstain in the FIFA presidential ballot. It would be better if nations could vote for independence.