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For The Good Of The Game
The future of Scottish football sits on Celtic’s shoulders. Following a catastrophic set of qualifying results which saw all four Scottish entrants dismissed from continental competition, Celtic were handed a reprieve when UEFA (rightfully, in my opinion) expelled FC Sion from the Europa League tournament. The Parkhead side replaced the team that knocked them out […]
September 15, 2011
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Down The Toilet
The inspection shelf is a German invention, though I first encountered one in Prague. The shelf extends above the waterline in a toilet, holding the fecal matter for a quick review before it’s flushed. Changes in the shape, consistency, or colour of bowel movements often indicate disease, so spot-checking the stool is a healthy Teutonic […]
September 8, 2011
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You’ll Have Had Your Tea?
In the pub last Sunday, an English friend told the tale of his teenage journey to the Edinburgh Festival, hitchhiking up from the Midlands to sleep rough in Princes Street Gardens. He was woken from his newspaper-wrapped slumber not by a rapist, a mugger, or the Lothian police, but by a friendly Scotsman handing him […]
August 25, 2011
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UEFA To Scotland: Drop Dead
Back in the early 1990’s, the European Cup stopped being a football tournament and became the Champions League. The raison d’etre of the rebranded competition: creation of an ever-expanding trough of filthy lucre to feed the pigs running European football’s biggest clubs. To their credit, UEFA do a shamelessly good job of quantifying exactly how […]
August 18, 2011
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This Could Be The Future of Scottish Football
(LONDON, 11 Oct 2014) — Under-pressure Team GB manager Roberto Martinez declared himself “satisfied” with his team’s performance despite their 2-1 home defeat to Denmark yesterday in the first competitive match for the amalgamated British team. “We have only had a couple of friendlies to mould a team since the four national associations were combined […]
August 11, 2011
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Nostra Who?
Mad Christian Harold Camping was reportedly “flabbergasted” that the Rapture didn’t take place last Saturday, May 21, as he had confidently predicted. I am similarly flabbergasted that Kilmarnock weren’t relegated, as I assuredly stated on August 12: “I can’t see them anywhere other than last place.” Camping is now saying the Rapture was spiritual, not […]
May 26, 2011
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Get It Right F***ing Up You, Ya Clown Ya
We’re in the middle of trophy season, so welcome to the inaugaural, and possibly only, GIRUY awards. There are three categories of award: GIRUY, for an irritant or idiot; GIRFUY, for a person harming our game; and GIRFUY, YCY, for someone putting our game in mortal danger (the C doesn’t stand for “Clown”).
May 19, 2011
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A Rugby Park Reckoning
I never bet on my team. It’s a rule I’ve followed since I was in high school, when I wagered with a Dons-supporting friend that Rangers would beat Aberdeen. Rangers lost, and I am convinced to this day we would have beaten them if I hadn’t made that bet. So allow me to sit on […]
May 12, 2011
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A Miss in Time
The Old Firm Decider the other week had few highlights, but the one truly memorable moment was something you don’t see very often: a top-drawer penalty save. Samaras struck a decent enough shot, but McGregor guessed well, got down to his left, and stopped the Celtic fans behind him from erupting in delight at a […]
May 5, 2011
