- Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough The other week I was playing in a football tournament; one of the opposition teams was an Arsenal supporters team. We gubbed them 3-1, but one of their players made a comment afterwards regarding the standard of the SPL: “We were unbeatable in England, so we’d never lose a game in Scotland.” I suggested that […]
- Why Does it Always Rain On Me? Billy provides live updates as he watches the Scotland v Norway game in Hong Kong. Noon: I have come out of hiding this week and crossed the border into bandit country – aka Wan Chai – Hong Kong’s drinking and, well, “other things” district; less well-known, it is also the midpoint of a not-so-recent 12-hour […]
- Norway Match Preview and 10 Reasons Why I Hate Norway Recently I upgraded to the new iPhone 3GS and it’s an amazing piece of technology. How amazing? Well, the other day I was typing the outline to this week’s column; I typed “Faddy fit”, and the iPhone changed it to “Daddy fit”. Too bloody right, I thought – Norway, who’s your daddy? Faddy’s your daddy. […]
- Tins, Black Holes, and Transfer Fees [transcript begins] Mint: “This is Sir David Murray. Sir David, to you. Murray. That’s Sir. David. Murray.” Watty: “Boss, gonnae gie’s some dough fir some new players?” Mint: “Walter, I telt you already, naw.” Watty: “How naw?” Mint: “Ah’m skint.” Watty: “Are ye f*ck. Ye’re loaded. That’s why yer caw’d The Mint.”
- The Ballad of John and Yokohama A few months ago Scotland lined up a friendly match in October against Japan – in Japan. Last week the venue was announced as Yokohama, and because Billy is in Japan right now, and because he loves you, he did some scouting this weekend.
- Under New Management It should come as no shock to you that Billy is a fully paid-up member of the filthy capitalist establishment, and therefore I have many times been in the position of wanting people to leave my company against their will. Human Resources will tell you there are two ways to go about this. The first […]
- I Know What You’re Doing This Summer At this time of year, we’re all antsy for the new season to start; what with almost half a week having passed since the end of the last season i.e. the Confederations Cup Final in South Africa on Sunday. So as a service to readers worldwide (note: mostly located in Ireland) who may be visited […]
- The Ludovico Technique For Scottish Expats PROLOGUE There’s a part in Anthony Burgess’s novel “A Clockwork Orange” where the anti-hero, Alex, is subjected to “The Ludovico Technique”. This is intended to cure him of his violent tendencies, and the implementation involves him being forced to watch violent acts on a cinema screen while under the influence of a drug which induces […]
- Billy Williamson: Jo’burg Here We Come Publicans, prostitutes, and petty criminals across South Africa were glued to their TV screens in early June hoping for a set of results that would propel the Tartan Army south of the Equator for only the second time in history (do we all remember how good the first trip was?).
