- NOW! That’s What I Call World Cup Music “You have to write your column tonight,” said Mrs Williamson. “Do you know what you’re going to do yet?” “Yes,” I replied, “I’m going to write about Scotland’s World Cup songs.” Mrs W: “Have there been many?” Me: “Oh yes.” Enjoy.
- You Can Stick Your Vuvuzelas Up Your The first person who blows a vuvuzela in a Scottish football ground should be taken to the centre spot immediately to have the thing shoved up – RIGHT UP – his or her hairy ginger arse. Sideways. That is my view, I will stick to it, and I will not mention the vuvuzela again. Well […]
- Africa, Africa, We’re The Famous Tartan Army And We’re Not Going To Africa People who know I’m a football fan and know there’s a World Cup on, but apart from those two facts don’t know much about football, have been asking me: “Are you going to South Africa?” I politely answer no, and then explain it’s because Scotland didn’t qualify. What I’m really thinking is, “Why the fuck […]
- Dear England Dear England, I am Scottish – and I won’t be supporting you at the World Cup. I will be supporting Algeria, the USA, and Slovakia. Or maybe Slovenia – I can’t remember which one is in your group.